Thank You

Thank you to everyone for cheering me up...you guys have been kind and wonderful..I am okie...and well  I think we should stop discussing it..for it's over..finito..I feel uncomfortable...and I know if Aub read it which he is bound to do...he's going to feel even more uncomfortable...

I love you guys for being there..and in sharing made me think logically about the whole thing...

someone privated and told me to chin up and another to take a day at a time..

someone gave me his mobile to ring to talk about my sadness..dont think he got much work done that afternoon..he said logically it's better as friends..it's called a sacrificing love..ummm cant remember the exact word..he said it's a beautiful love for it means that person love you so much that he/she wants to be with you but since they cant... they sacrifice it so you dont suffer..

yeh yeh..sounds great doesnt it? so up there with the saints..well I am no saint..

then he made me laugh...of all things in my time of trouble I found myself laughing..he said look at it this way..you dont need him..you hardly know him..remember when you came in here? you didnt know he existed..who knows..may be around the next corner is the right guy..may be he wasnt the right guy?...may be you should ignore him.. find someone in here and flirt outrageously in front of him...sweet revenge..make him jealous..make him see that too bad...you dont mean nothing to me...

when he said that I was thinking...nah too mean..and where the heck was I going to find a guy to flirt with on here? it made me laugh...the only one I ever joked around with was ế and Aub already know we are just friends..

he then told me that as an old guy..similar age to Aub he could understand..he said when you get old you get lazy..I go to work..I come home..chán vợ già thật đó nhưng về nhà là có cơm ăn...ăn cơm xong ngồi coi TV...xong đi ngủ .. even if I love someone enough to contemplate living my life with her...imagine the hassles..have to go find a flat..have to move out..have to fend for myself..have to apply to sponsor her over..just thinking about it makes me tired..thôi thì ở với vợ già ...at least còn có cơm ăn ..yes that's the reality of old age...

then talked to ế ..him and his ever cà chua self ..he told me he knew it would end..he said lùn nè ..Aub già rồi..Aub quý gia đình ..Aub có yêu lùn đến mấy Aub cũng không muốn mất gia đình ..nên Aub đã chọn gia đình ..và giữ lùn trong tim anh ta ..nếu đến với nhau lùn có thể cho Aub 1 gia đình không ? mấy tháng đầu thì vui lắm 
..nhưng rồi Aub sẽ quay về với gia đình Aub..lúc đó thì lùn sẽ ra sao ? guess ế doesnt have much faith in me...ế tiếp ..chắc Aub yêu lùn nhiều lắm mới làm vậy ..thôi lùn yêu ế đi...ế còn độc thân nè  ..ế sẽ không làm lùn buồn đâu ..yes..ế to a Tee..can be sensitive and yet still cà chua như thường.

then chị L sent me a poem...and chị H wrote me a poem..

I am better today..will go on with my life..I think Aub would have wanted that..my logical self have taken over my emotional self..time to stop lying there crying and get up and walk again..

I have since made a promise to myself that I wont let him down...no more crying..no more moping around..will try and make Aub lighthearted.. knowing that I am all right..that his decision and all this hurting wasnt in vain...