Dementia

A few weeks ago I went to visit my grandma..she's got dementia and thus she is in the high care section of the nursing home..I have not seen her for quite awhile and dread the visits..

It was a shock to the system to see her sitting there in her wheel chair..her long pants rolled up as it was hot..her top stained with food..and what looked like a hand towel around her neck..to dry her hair or to catch fallen food? I wondered..

I greeted her as I usually do ..con Ti Ti nè bà ..her pet name for me..she flickered signs of recognition then it was gone as it appeared..I brought some Viet food for her as she was only having processed food on doctor's order..she wouldn't have dentures..that's my grandma for you...she was stubborn as hell...very independent..to this in a nursing home dependent on others..luckily her memory is failing her..it is not a way to be near end of life..

I spoon fed her..asking her repeatedly if she wanted any more food..she ate most of it..then came afternoon tea..they served her tea and cake..as I turned around to wash the dishes she must have ate the cake..for it was gone by the time I came back to her..

All through my visit she would ask the same questions over and over again...how old am I ? how do you how old I am ? how old are you ? when am I going to die ? at 100 ? she had a friend that went at 100 apparently...

if she was putting up a ruse it was a good one..as she told the carer that I am her niece..she proceeded to ask me how are the kids...and how old they are..she told me she's booked her plot 10-20 years ago..I told her off..telling her it has only been a few years as she went with my dad to buy it...she then...yes..that is right...I went with him and your mum...

then she lamented..sometimes it is better to forget..remembering give me head aches..heart aches ?

when it was time to go..I bid her good bye and left..I still wonder if she's made up her mind to forget..because she doesn't want to be there in the nursing home..or is it really dementia..

I brought my camera..but in the end I did not take any photos..I wanted to remember her on her good days..not like this