Bravery

I am not brave at all...in fact I am a chicken...lol...a real chicken you know the one that goes boc boc bac...lol..

I wish I was brave...I wish I was true to myself...Being Here was right about that one...I can deceive everyone but when it comes to the crunch I cant deceive myself...I can never..no matter how much I tried...

Tried to weigh up the pros and cons..why I have reached that decision..why my decision is the right decision...I try to bury myself in work..in here...to forget...forget another life...forget who I am and live life like I was expected to..and try to do the right thing by everyone...

how long would it go on?? how long can I go on...I am biding my time...till the kids are a bit older...

I dont want this life no more...I want to leave...should have left long ago...every time I think of leaving...he stops me...the sadness in his eyes...why does he accepts it? accepts me around...he knows...he knows I would never be his 100%...may be in body...what about  soul??