Changes

Deciding to apply and then accepting the job in the Geelong was a turning point in my life for me...

I have grown more confident...my self esteem is slowly returning..feels a whole heaps better...and hubby is changing as well...I can at least get through to him now...

this morning we talked..I told him why I went to Geelong...he had thought otherwise..he thought I needed time to sort out my feelings for him...I told him I needed to get better..been depressed for so long...I hated staying at home..hated the brain-dead job of forever cleaning the house...washing clothes and dishes..and thus have turned to the internet to try and keep my brains alive...even then it didn't help...

he asked me...why then? why didn't you go get some help if you had known all along that you were depressed...like I had suggested? I then replied...I didn't want to turn out like your clients..depressed and had to turn to medications..I saw them as losers...weak...they are the shadow of themselves...and I didn't want it for me...I knew in the past they have been big guns...and now dependent on medications so much that they come to us to get daily pick ups so they can't take them all at once...

I also told him I really love my job..but I cant bear it if because of that my family is in tatters..my boy keep on asking me when am I going to come home...he wanted the date..only to be yelled at by his dad to stop asking...my youngest told me no one cooks my favourite anymore..you know round meat and you put onion in it...she meant thit bam ram...

I also asked him to consider my proposal..sell our house...use the money to pay off the mortgage...and the left overs to give us better cash flow for the business so he can hire more staff to help him out ...and holidays...

that way he doesn't waste time travelling to and from work..the kids are at home when they come from school and not stuck at the shop...and for me less room to clean ..the upstairs is only 21 squares..instead of our 36 squares home...(1 square=9m2)

also told him when I am better I will commute to work...I love my job...that way I can be home to warm his bed every night..won't get in till probably 8pm but it's better than coming back every weekend..

if we live at the shop which is 2 minutes walk to the train station I can easily catch a train to the city...then a V line train to Geelong...then walk to work..

he told me he's been thinking too...he said it's a pity to lose the house for he's loved living here...I told him me too...he said home is where the heart is...guess he's felt it too...it doesn't feel like home now...just a place to sleep...

I have also made an appointment with my parents and my sister at 6pm tonight to talk..to say thank you for looking after my kids..and to explain why I have gone to Geelong..I think it's long overdue..I owe my parents that much...

I am not the person I left 8 weeks ago..I have changed...have grown up a little..and have became calmer as a person..who in the world would have thought...a little caring..a little trust..a little faith goes a long long way..